Two Months (and in More Than One Way)

Two months ago, today, Stephen and I did what no parent should ever have to do or want to do. We passed our baby boy off for what we believed to be a twelve hour bypass open heart surgery. I’ve said it before, and I will reiterate but there are no words that can adequately convey the feeling of passing your child off to a team of strangers (albeit, highly qualified) for a risky and questionable surgery. Tears, upon tears, upon tears. We had been playing and laughing around with Easton just minutes before the surgical prep team came to tote him off, and then like that, he was gone. There is an undeniable fear of the unknown in that moment. To have the comfort of our happy and healthy Easton laughing and playing just minutes before but then not know what to expect post surgery…the toughest being would he make it? As a parent, there are many schools of thought, but one that no parent ever wants to have to deal with is the thought of burying your child. Even writing it, it pains me to know that we have had such close friends go through that experience, and that it would even have to be a potential thought in my mind. That’s why I wrote a blog a few months back and talked about there being more to this life, a better life that doesn’t involve pain, suffering, heartache, trails, etc. Believe me, I still wrestle with the ideas and thoughts of heaven but it’s because it’s so much better that my tiny little pea sized brain just can’t wrap my mind around the concept. 

Well, I think most of you know the outcome of the first surgery, Easton not only survived but thrived in recovery. We walked up to Easton’s bed, chest open (bandaged very tightly), with a sick little boy on paralysis and dialysis. For two days we sat by his bedside with him that very condition. But once they sewed his chest up, Easton started making great strides. We would be discharged just 11 days after this massive surgery. I’d like to tell you that we’re done walking this path, but in honesty, this path is long and arduous. Easton will have to have at least one more planned bypass along with two other surgeries but we never know what to expect. I think that’s the hardest thing that I struggle with, is the thoughts and emotions of what will life look like in xyz….I fear the future for my child when other people aren’t even thinking about “the worst” for their children. I don’t dwell on it but when we put up the Christmas tree this year, my first thought was what will Christmas look like in our house next year….? But that’s when Stephen always brings me back down to planet Earth and reminds me that God’s plan is sovereign and good and perfect, even we we don’t think it is or can be. 

So you want to know what I hope Christmas of next year looks like? In my heart of hearts its the vision of Easton running around and playing with his new sibling that will be joining our family in August!! YES! You’re reading correctly, we are EXPECTING, another pale skinned, blue eyed little baby. It was with great surprise and happiness that God saw fit to add another child to our family. I’ve shared with you all the hard fought road to becoming parents with Easton. After two years of “trying”, 4 IUIs, and 1 round of IVF, we were finally pregnant. It is with very happy hearts that we look forward to baby #2’s arrival! We are not out of the first trimester (10 weeks) but I’m here to proclaim that there is no perfect time to announce anything, particularly a baby. I know from first hand experience that just because you hit your second trimester doesn’t mean you’re in the “safe zone.” YES, I do worry and think about baby 2’s health, particularly his/her heart. But in the same way that God has paved our way with Easton, I know that God will pave the path with a second baby. I am experiencing a wave of emotions from excitement to anxiety to hope to you name but, what I do know is that God has written his grace and peace and sufficiency all our lives and it’s hard to miss it, anyway I look. 

Today we celebrate Easton’s two month “heart-iversary” and two and half months for this new life.